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Monday, 22 December 2008

late night wonderings

My mom turned off her house phone, and in turn, her internet as well... And since she has no cable... I basically have no other sources of entertainment than this new magic phone which my mom gave me through powers of secrecy and manipulation... Well, maybe not so much secrecy, but a whole lot of manipulation... The only thing about it that distresses me is that this thing has a full keyboard... But when i go to any of my blogging sites... it won't let me use the enter button... Not that i use the full keyboard anyway... I've noticed that i'm signifigantly faster with my good old friend T9... Although it took me a rather long time to spell signifigantly... So that makes me think that i'm not spelling it right... Woah...I'm typing so fast that the phone can't keep up with me... It's really cool :]... So this blog isn't really about anything other than me playing with my new phone... Nothing interesting has taken place in the world of Ana in a while... It's not that my life isn't interesting... It's just that there isn't anything so out of the ordinary that it's worth reporting... Everything has fall into a routine that i rarely notice anything unusual... that word has way too many Us in it to be normal... anyways, not that i'm complaing about the way my life seems to be running itself... as i normally would be doing... but my family has this way about making me feel insecure about almost everthing because they insist on comparing and talking chismas about everyone that i'm trying to accept my life the way it is so i don't feel bad when they tell me how it isn't... Oh well, i'm getting sleepy, so i'll take that as a sign to take advantage of the bed i'm in

Thursday, 04 September 2008

Carry on... nothing really matters

So... I really really really really really really have to go the bathroom right now... but if I do that.... then I have to lock up the gift shop and such... oh screw it... I'll be back..
okay... I feel better
Im extremely glad to discover that the hotel hasn't blocked any of my blogging sites... now I have something to do when the days get slow... like today... and I spend 8 hours basically doing nothing...
hahaha... so... there's something.. or rather.. someONE... I'd like to dig more into...and I was just thinking that its so like me to want to get underneath the surface of someone's skin... not only am I a girl, so I overthink and over analyze everything... but I'm also a human development/psychology double major... HAHAHAHA... I feel sorry for the boy who picks me as his fate... acutally... I feel sorry for any boy who decides to get involved with me... oh well
there's a coversation between Kyle and I that needs to take place sometime soon I hope... just to set a few definitions and behavioral guidelines... I'd like to know what it is that's going on... of course, it doesn't have to be an exact definition, and is welcome to change in any way... I just like to know the proper response to his actions should be...
Sometimes boys confuse me... the way they react with you in private and the way they react with you in public often tend to be extremely different... either way, he has still highly impressed me... so I'm not sure if he is trying to demonstrate to me that this could be something more... or if he's just an all-around good guy who is worried about making mistakes... either way, its nice to know that I'm not the only one who's worrying. :]
At least for now... the fun and games are actually entertaining... but I have a feeling there will soon come a time where I will feel myself swiming out to sea too quickly while he stands and watches by the shore... with no sign if he intends to join me or not... I would like to clear this up... but I always hate to be the one to start that conversation... it makes everything kind of akward...
damn humans... why do they have to be so concealing with their true feelings?... why are we so scared to reveal our true selves to another of our same kind? Is because we're too afraid to get hurt.. too afraid to take the risk or humiliation?... Every person is unique.. and we are not mind readers (as much as we try to be) so misinterpretations and assumtions are something common between two souls who never take the time to communicate clearly... but yet... if we spoke our true words... and opened the doors (rather than locked them), then we could get rid of so much confusion and misery.
oh well... at this point... I'll attempt to take my own advice and not push anything... take it day by day... but who can know what tommorow will bring?

Sunday, 20 July 2008

When you're strange...

I was telling Anthony the other day that if you have real friends... they won't care if you call them every day, every month... or once in a blue moon... as long as you call them... and you answer the phone when they call you... then everything will be okay...

that's how you know who really loves you...

I've talked to so many people in the past week who have faded from my present mind set... but who have managed to remain in the crevices that hold the happiest memories of my childhood, adolecence, near-adult hood... but they've all been there when it counts... when it matters... when the bricks have disintegrated and that was left was a faulty foundation which was badly in need of reparations... they've been there to hush the fears in the darkness... to silence the laughter in the mischief... they've been the source of wonderous adventures under the starry skies...

where would we be without people around us to remind us of our presence in the world... though we may be alone in our travels around the world... each taking our own journey down a forbidden path... we each have someone there to tell us that we are needed... we are welcome... we are indeed LOVED... whether we make it out of the darkness... whether we go too far ahead... whether we get lost in our own ramblings... they love us still... through the years of silence... the moments of frustration... they still love us... for that's what friends do....

Sunday, 06 July 2008

Gold Teeth and A Curse for This Town

awww... I love Scrubs... its always good for smile...

For some reason... I was extremely homesick yesterday... I would've loved nothing more than to spend a day watching Sex and the City with Christinita... going out to breakfast with my Dad at La Cabana... having Markie ask me to play Moonlight Sonata just to hear me mess up... or having a bbq with my mom and Tio Joe...or even having Alicia attack my face (that's how I know she loves me)

I miss them alot... but I guess that's what I have to give up for starting this new... semi-adult life...hahaha....

But today... back in the routine...

I realize... I lose so much time... and when i finally sit down... I have no idea where my day went.. but... that's the story of my life.

Tuesday, 01 July 2008

There's Beauty in the Breakdown

Today... was kind of a horrendous/scary/okay day. It was really nice outside... especially on campus... and I got some stuff done at the bookstore... but yea... I guess you can never stop the shit from hitting the fan.

I found out that my cousin Joaquin... who's been MIA for a bit... is now in a halfway house somewhere in Kern County... his dad put him there.

bleh.

I hope he's okay... I'm sure he is... but when you're told that someone you love was/is possibly in danger... the ground falls from underneath you... I was really scared for a minute... but then I realized that I, personally, have nothing to be scared of. I can't protect him, I can't save him, hell... I can't even be there to talk him out of whatever he's thinking about.

You can never stop someone from making the decisions that they've already decided upon... they have to face the consequences on their own... and that's what he's doing... granted the consequences didn't need to be so extreme... but maybe... maybe he'll be okay after this.

that or he'll just be even more crazy.